I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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