I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
