I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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