All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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