Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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