please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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