Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
