he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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