I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
