I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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