She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
