So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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