using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
