I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
