you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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