I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
