My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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