I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
