Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
