I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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