Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
