Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.