My underwear smells like fireworks.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.