we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
