i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable