home. puking in laundry basket.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
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He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?