I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
