I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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