question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
