I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You were trust falling into bushes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
