I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize