She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
