3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.