So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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