I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
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i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special