also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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