Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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