I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
