that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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