The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
