Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
