No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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