Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
