i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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