SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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