someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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