I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
