He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
