I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
