I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
