I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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