one might say we're banned from that church
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
