have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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