I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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