I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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