I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
