she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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