I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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