I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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