okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
