Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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