But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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