i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
