So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
