I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
