to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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