he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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