why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
