her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
