I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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