remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
